No-Bake Kartoshka: Fudgy Cocoa Cookie Cakes

Why You’ll Love This Recipe

• No-bake and fast: rich, fudgy cakes come together in minutes.
• Deep cocoa flavor balanced by creamy condensed milk and a hint of vanilla.
• Nostalgic Eastern European classic with playful potato-like shaping.
• Easy to customize with nuts, espresso, or a splash of rum.

Grocery List

• Produce: None
• Dairy: Unsalted butter; sweetened condensed milk
• Pantry: Plain tea biscuits (Maria-style), unsweetened cocoa powder, walnuts (optional), vanilla extract, fine sea salt, dark rum or cognac (optional), powdered sugar (optional), slivered almonds (optional)

Full Ingredients

Cookie-Cocoa Dough

• 300 g plain tea biscuits, finely ground (about 2 1/2 cups crumbs)
• 115 g unsalted butter, softened (1/2 cup)
• 300 g sweetened condensed milk (1 cup; not evaporated milk)
• 35 g unsweetened cocoa powder, sifted (1/3 cup)
• 50 g walnuts, toasted and finely chopped (1/2 cup; optional but classic)
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/8 tsp fine sea salt
• Optional: 1 tsp dark rum or cognac

Coating and Garnish

• 15 g unsweetened cocoa powder (3 tbsp), for rolling
• Slivered almonds, for “potato eyes” (optional)
• 1–2 tsp powdered sugar, for a light “dusty soil” finish (optional)

Step-by-Step Instructions

Step 1: Line a tray and prep the dry ingredients

Line a baking sheet or tray with parchment paper. Grind the tea biscuits into fine, even crumbs using a food processor, or seal them in a zip-top bag and crush thoroughly with a rolling pin. Measure 2 1/2 cups crumbs (about 300 g). If using walnuts, toast them on a small tray at 350°F (175°C) for 6–8 minutes until fragrant, then cool and chop finely.

Step 2: Cream butter with cocoa

In a medium bowl, beat the softened butter with 35 g (1/3 cup) sifted cocoa and the salt until completely smooth, glossy, and lump-free. Sifting the cocoa prevents bitter pockets and helps the mixture turn silky.

Step 3: Add condensed milk and flavors

Beat in the sweetened condensed milk and vanilla (plus rum or cognac if using). The mixture should become glossy and spreadable. It may look slightly loose—that is perfect, as the crumbs will tighten it into a dough.

Step 4: Make the dough

Stir in the biscuit crumbs and chopped walnuts until a cohesive, pliable dough forms. It should feel soft but hold together when squeezed, like modeling clay. If it is dry and crumbly, add 1–2 teaspoons more condensed milk. If too sticky, add 1–2 tablespoons extra crumbs.

Step 5: Portion and shape “potatoes”

Using a 2-tablespoon scoop (about 40 g), portion the dough and roll each piece into an oval, slightly irregular shape, about 2 to 2 1/2 inches long. A few gentle dimples make them look convincingly potato-like. Press in 1–3 slivered almonds on each as little “eyes,” if desired.

Step 6: Coat in cocoa

Pour the remaining 15 g (3 tbsp) cocoa into a shallow dish. Roll each oval to coat evenly, tapping off excess. For a dusty “fresh from the soil” look, sift a whisper of powdered sugar over parts of the surface after coating.

Step 7: Chill to set and serve

Arrange on the lined tray and chill until firm, about 1 hour at standard refrigerator temperature (37–40°F / 3–4°C). For extra tidy edges, chill 2 hours. Serve slightly cool or at room temperature after a 5-minute rest for the fudgiest texture.

Pro Tips

• Use plain, dry tea biscuits (Maria-style) for the most authentic flavor and ideal crumb; avoid overly buttery cookies, which can make the mixture greasy.
• Texture check: the dough should compress without cracking and leave only a light residue on your hands. Adjust with extra crumbs or a teaspoon of condensed milk as needed.
• Keep it cool: if the mixture warms and softens, chill it for 10 minutes before shaping for cleaner edges.
• Sift the cocoa for both the dough and coating to avoid bitter lumps and achieve a velvety finish.
• For uniform pieces, weigh portions (40 g each) before shaping.

Variations

• Espresso-Mocha: Add 1–2 tsp instant espresso powder to the dough; garnish with a light powdered sugar “dust” to balance the intensity.
• Hazelnut-Chocolate: Swap walnuts for hazelnuts and mix in 1 tbsp chocolate-hazelnut spread for a softer, praline-like center.
• Boozy Classic: Increase dark rum or cognac to 2 tsp for a more pronounced grown-up note.

Storage & Make-Ahead

Refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 5 days, layering with parchment to prevent sticking. For longer storage, freeze up to 2 months; thaw overnight in the refrigerator and re-roll lightly in cocoa if needed. Flavor improves after a night in the fridge, making this an excellent make-ahead dessert.

Nutrition (per serving)

Approximate per cake (1 of 16): 225 calories; 10 g fat; 25 g carbohydrates; 3 g protein; 2 g fiber; 17 g sugars. Values will vary based on exact biscuits and add-ins.